Do you know why people gravitate to fundamentalism?
To dogmatism and orthodoxy, with a small ‘o’?
Because it answers all the questions,
and in turn takes all the pain away.
« God has a reason »
is far more palatable, even beautiful at times
than « God has forgotten us »
or « we are utterly alone in the universe ».
« All things work together for good » in the end
is far more relieving than
« there is no light at the end of the tunnel »
« all of this is meaningless and will never be made right »
It lets you breathe, in,
instead of being suffocated by the futility of it all.
I’m hollow and aching, I fill my mind and days with tiny, miniscule things
but the black hole is always hiding just behind them
waiting for me to trip up.
God, if you’re listening, I don’t know what to say to you anymore
I’m no good at one-sided discussions.
I miss how the idea of you used to comfort me,
wiped away every tear and soothed every pain,
and I don’t know how to return to that
now that my brain seems to have made everything up.
« What the hell kind of universe is this, »
« there had better be a damn good explanation for all of this »
that’s what I want to say
but my upbringing keeps me silent, fearfully respectful,
just in case.
But presumably you know that,
so I’ll be sitting here, waiting for the answers.
Take your time.
If it doesn’t come on this side of life,
then so be it.
You know I tried.
In the meantime,
I’m going to love the hell out of everyone
savor the forest air,
cook good food
give what I can
cuddle with animals
feed the birds
and hug the hell out of my family
and I swear to you if you take them from me
I won’t recover
My soul will be destroyed
So take us all at once
That’s the only thing I have left to ask